we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize