the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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