I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
