why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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