Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
