I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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