I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
