There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
