So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
