I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Panties = found
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
