I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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