hotel room ftw
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
