My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
