Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
tell me about the eggs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
