Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
