I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
