Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
