woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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