why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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