i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
