No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
