Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
