so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
