Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
