i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Randomize
