sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He did a backflip because drugs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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