I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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