i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize