is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The beer is more important than you right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
