I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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