Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
