guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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