Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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