Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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