he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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