Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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