His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
