remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
