there was a trapeze. enough said
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize