i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
