I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
