i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize