I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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