I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The ass gains better be worth it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
