you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
