Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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