Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
