my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
