So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
