Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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