please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
