just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
