glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
