sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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