I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize