Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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