Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
