First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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