you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
