I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
