So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
