i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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