Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
