i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize