The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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