i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
