I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
