Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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