Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
