OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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