I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
NoShamevember. You game?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
