There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
